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  #1  
Old 2013-02-25, 00:38
koshal koshal is offline
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 31
Okay attempt #2..here's my 2nd song ever.... More Than You Knew

What's up everyone? Last week I posted my first song and I received a lot of helpful feedback. I've been at it for awhile but have had serious trouble finishing and releasing things.

So after all this time finally getting stuff out there has been a good experience for me. I'm just trying to improve day in and day out. This one is much more upbeat than the previous track. Hope you enjoy it.

Track done in Reason, with some vocal editing in S1.



Direct link: http://youtu.be/BER9JeoKCfI

Last edited by koshal; 2013-02-25 at 00:44.
  #2  
Old 2013-02-25, 01:01
ghostdoggofnvf's Avatar
ghostdoggofnvf ghostdoggofnvf is offline
 
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 22
Hey, what's up?

In general, I really dig the track but I do have a couple of things to say:

@0:39 - the synth/stab you have going on doesn't match the scale of the song. At 1:15 - I gotta say, my ears crunched up a bit. I'm not an expert - but I think it's your "detune" or some setting that's really throwing it off and making the rest of the song really hard to listen to.

@2:20 - you surprised me but then 2:29-2:34 went off-the-road again.

@2:57 - the song came back to me ... and then the lyrics threw me off... You said just before this, "I don't give a f#!@ about you" then you finished the song by saying, "...but I love you.". I mean, I get the sentiment but if that's what you were trying to say in the song, then I just feel like you could've done a much better job of that (lyrically, anyway).

Overall, I'd give this a 6 or 6.5 out of 10 - with the potential to be a 8 or 8.5 overall if you fix up a few issues. Great post, and thanks for sharing!

-gd
  #3  
Old 2013-02-25, 03:38
K1TTENM1TTEN K1TTENM1TTEN is offline
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 128
Alright man, I have to say this track is MUCH better than your first track. I am genuinely and positively surprised at the quality improvement here. Also, your vocals are actually much better in this track as well.

At 0:44 and 0:51 there is this repeated off key three note synth riff, I would say fix it, and you'll be good. To be more precise of what ghostdoggofnvf was talking about, the notes you pressing on that lead top synth is D,E,F, D, E, F. The notes should be D,E,F#, D,E,F#. That may sound a bit pretentious of me to say I know the right notes to play in your song, but assuming the key you are playing in is A Major, with your main verse chords playing back and forth between B minor and A major, thus the F note does not fit in that key and F# would be the right note

I do appreciate that change up you did on 2:17, but again, you end up singing or playing a little out of key again. If you are using auto tune, it may be dropping your note flat without you realizing it. I do like how you I do like the way you brought it back at 2:22 to the chorus again, and starting off with the vocals then the music was a good choice, but I would add a little bit of a rest between the "record stopping" sound and when you sing again. Not a huge rest, but adding just a little more space there will add emphasis and strength on that final chorus.

Again, the vocals are much better in this go around and the song was much improved from the first, props!

Last edited by K1TTENM1TTEN; 2013-02-25 at 03:41.
  #4  
Old 2013-02-25, 04:40
koshal koshal is offline
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by K1TTENM1TTEN View Post
At 0:44 and 0:51 there is this repeated off key three note synth riff, I would say fix it, and you'll be good. To be more precise of what ghostdoggofnvf was talking about, the notes you pressing on that lead top synth is D,E,F, D, E, F. The notes should be D,E,F#, D,E,F#. That may sound a bit pretentious of me to say I know the right notes to play in your song, but assuming the key you are playing in is A Major, with your main verse chords playing back and forth between B minor and A major, thus the F note does not fit in that key and F# would be the right note

I do appreciate that change up you did on 2:17, but again, you end up singing or playing a little out of key again. If you are using auto tune, it may be dropping your note flat without you realizing it.

Hey man..thanks for the feedback! The first part of the song resolves to B minor (at least that's how I'm treating anyways). The F (or the flattened 5th) I'm using is the "blue note" from the B Blues Scale. In addition to this style of music I'm really into electric guitar with a rock/blues base. So technically you are right, it is out of key, however it was intentional, just as in many blues-rock tracks. Now granted, even though it sounds good to me, it's totally reasonable and acceptable feedback that people may hate it for this style of music.

Same thing in the breakdown. It switches to E minor. And I use the blue note from the E blues scale. So starting at 2:29, I'm singing the flattened 5th (B flat instead of B) a few times in passing. Again, it may be like taking nails across the chalkboard for some if they are not used to it. In fact some people may say its totally wrong for this type of music...but at least for me..I dig it.

BTW I didn't think you were being pretentious at all. You've been a huge help man. Really appreciate all the feedback you've given me thus far!!
  #5  
Old 2013-02-25, 04:46
koshal koshal is offline
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by ghostdoggofnvf View Post
Hey, what's up?

In general, I really dig the track but I do have a couple of things to say:

@0:39 - the synth/stab you have going on doesn't match the scale of the song. At 1:15 - I gotta say, my ears crunched up a bit. I'm not an expert - but I think it's your "detune" or some setting that's really throwing it off and making the rest of the song really hard to listen to.

@2:20 - you surprised me but then 2:29-2:34 went off-the-road again.

@2:57 - the song came back to me ... and then the lyrics threw me off... You said just before this, "I don't give a f#!@ about you" then you finished the song by saying, "...but I love you.". I mean, I get the sentiment but if that's what you were trying to say in the song, then I just feel like you could've done a much better job of that (lyrically, anyway).

Overall, I'd give this a 6 or 6.5 out of 10 - with the potential to be a 8 or 8.5 overall if you fix up a few issues. Great post, and thanks for sharing!

-gd
Cool thanks man. As mentioned in the previous response I'm using the "blue note" from the blues scale in this track. I'm glad you guys pointed it out though, because I never really considered that anyone would interpret it as being completely "out of tune" (even though technically it is) so that definitely gives me something to consider going forward in this style of music and whether or not I want to use it outside of a rock/blues context.

Really appreciate that you took the time to give me some feedback!
  #6  
Old 2013-02-25, 08:13
AnthonyMichaelAngelo's Avatar
AnthonyMichaelAngelo AnthonyMichaelAngelo is offline
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 348
Personally I like your first track much more, even production wise. But in this one, your vocals sound nice and clean and the percussion doesn't.

Nice tone to your voice. It will be an awesome album full of nice sounding tracks for sure.
  #7  
Old 2013-02-25, 21:03
koshal koshal is offline
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 31
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnthonyMichaelAngelo View Post
Personally I like your first track much more, even production wise. But in this one, your vocals sound nice and clean and the percussion doesn't.

Nice tone to your voice. It will be an awesome album full of nice sounding tracks for sure.
Thanks dude. Yeah I agree with you on the mix quality. I actually had someone else do the mixing on this one. His initial mix was very crisp, but for some reason I pushed for a more washy sound and I think I have may have overdone it a bit and a few of the instruments are getting lost. Something I'll learn from going forward.

I checked out your tracks on SC BTW, nice stuff! I really like your acoustic work on a couple of those tracks with the island/reggae feel. When I got into music I started primarily playing acoustic. Now that I'm actually starting to put some stuff out, I may put out some acoustic tracks at some point too.

Thanks for the feedback!

Last edited by koshal; 2013-02-26 at 00:57.
  #8  
Old 2013-02-25, 22:53
AnthonyMichaelAngelo's Avatar
AnthonyMichaelAngelo AnthonyMichaelAngelo is offline
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 348
You're learning fast with electronic music, you'll be fine.

Not many make it all the way down my SC page. Thanks for listening and getting some enjoyment out of them. Reggae is a music genre I listen to every day and have dozens of Riddims on my computer that I haven't released yet. I'll have an album regarding that genre some day I feel comfortable enough to release one.

I'd like to hear your guitar playing for sure. Always nice to hear someone else play instruments.

Until our next track posts!
  #9  
Old 2013-02-26, 01:22
carolinawoods2013 carolinawoods2013 is offline
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 149
yea i like it man....cool
  #10  
Old 2013-02-26, 03:40
pastoreric's Avatar
pastoreric pastoreric is offline
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 628
Hey man, I have nothing to add, all the comments are dead on. You are catching on very quickly. You seem to show the signs of being a student of your craft...keep it up!
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