Oh my GOD...I'm in hell.... bit of a long read....
It's a lovely day here in Toronto... It's about 36 Degrees C outside (96-97 F) and the sun is shining proudly...just freakin lovely...
SO...I'm wandering down the street with my dog to the post office to pick up a book on synthesis that I ordered a few days ago... (I know...sounds boring so far, but bear with me...)
We get to the post office and I tie her up to a tree so I can go inside. Now...beside the post office is a sushi restaurant..not too uncommon in todays ever growing trend-based marketplace... SO I go inside and pick up my package..all's well... I come outside....
Today was garbage day in my neighborhood... It had been picked up on time (earlier this morning) and there wasn't any left....
For some reason known only to them, dogs LOVE to roll around in things that would make Oscar the Grouch turn pale... Well, Jazzmine decides that while I am in the post office she'll take a romp and roll through the putrid, oily mess that is left over from the sushi restaurant's garbage..
I come outside and she is looking at me all proud as if to say "Look at what I found Daddy!!" and she has a bit of dirt on her cheeks... I, being the diligent dog owner that I am decide to rub it off.... mistake number one.
Because of the oil content of the god-awful rotten fish and assorted other crap that was in the leaking bag, the dirt did't come off.... What does John do? I brush it harder to get it off.... no such luck.
So there we are...standing on the street, her looking all dumb and proud, me turning green with disgust, both smelling like we just rolled around in whatever the hell they throw out of a sushi restaurant.
Believe it or not...it gets worse. :-(
Yesterday I picked up my new car... A Mercedes C230 Kompressor Sport Coupe (nice ride)...
Today we all have to go to the cottage (cabin/camp)...
So it will be my girlfriend, myself, and our dumb-as-toast dog, all sitting in my *brand new* Mercedes for 2 hours with a putrid oily ring of crap around my dogs neck in 97 degree weather... (the car's black).
I have washed my hands THREE TIMES...and I am pretty sure that by the time I am finished typing this, my keyboard will smell.......it WILL NOT COME OFF. it boggles the mind how an animal which has a sense of smell almost 100 times better than mine can not be bothered by the shite logded firmly around her neck. It is an eye-watering, gag-reflex inducing mess...
She is sitting by my desk right now....just doing what any dog would...except that I can't stand to be near her. She reeks. It's evil. And I have to deal with it for the next 6 hours till the wife gets home, and then two more hours in the car.
If I die on the way, I'll miss you all.
I think I'll use tequila (or better yet, mezcal...) to get the smell of my hands...if that doesn't work, I could try and get so drunk that it doens't bother me.
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